If you could have one special talent that brought you great pleasure, what would it be? If you could follow your heart’s desire, what would you do, or where would you go?
The special talent I wish were inside of me would be the ability to paint. I imagine the most amazing things in my mind’s eye, but they remain locked in my head; I long to paint what I see. The images in my dreams, in my waking mind, in my heart, they remain mine alone. I want to paint them to bring them to life, to give me the pleasure of seeing them again and again. As long as they remain within, they are eventually forgotten, never to be seen again, as if they are locked away in a box. I forget what is there. If I could have them as paintings, I could take them out, one by one, and enjoy their beauty all over again.
I have some watercolours and I have been painting, but my paintings are that of a child, or less so. The strokes are hazardous, coarse, and have no recognizable form. They fall far short of expressing what I so desperately want to bring out of me. It is so frustrating. I cannot make my hand and brush create on paper what is in my head, even though they are all physically connected during the act of painting. It is as if they are not able to speak the same language. I cannot make the imagined real. I feel mute, helpless, and frustrated, as if I want to say something important, but just cannot talk. I think I will keep trying, though. I just have to.
So I ask you again- what is your heart’s desire?
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